The word "Oscars" is, of course, already taken, so the first order of business is to find a cute and memorable name for these annual end-of-the-year awards. "Yarnies" is too obvious. "Woolies" has a pre-existing negative connotation, as in, "That ugly haircut he just got gives me the woolies." (or is that "willies"?) Someone in my family, who shall remain nameless, suggested "The Itchies". The gentleman in me precludes me from revealing what I said in response. These are serious awards, ladies and gentlemen. Levity is frowned upon. If anybody has a suggestion for a proper award name, I am very willing to hear it.
There are only two criteria for being eligible for these as-yet-unnamed awards. First, they have to have been carried as merchandise at Montoya Fiber Studio during the year 2012. Second, the aesthetic quality of the yarn color's name must jump out at you and the quality of the yarn has to match its vibrant name. Companies that name their yarn colors blue or red or green have no chance to win. Where is the imagination that titillates a customer into purchasing something simply because of a fascinating name given to an extraordinary yarn? Now if blue, red, or green had instead been respectively named, Hold Your Breath, Beet Juice, or Iago's Envy, well then, that's a different story.
The winners are listed in no particular order except for the Ultimate Award for best yarn color of the year which, of course, shall be revealed at the very end. The winners' details are revealed in the following order: 1.) Color name 2.) Company name 3.) Yarn name
Ladies and Gentlemen. I present to you the winners of the 2012 (name of award here).
BEST YARN NAMED FOR AN ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGE
Sangria (Dream in Color - Everlasting)
BEST YARN NAMED FOR A RODGERS AND HAMMERSTEIN MUSICAL
South Pacific (Universal - Bamboo Handpaints)
BEST YARN NAMED FOR A TYPE OF PANCAKE
Buckwheat (Berroco - Ultra Alpaca)
BEST YARN NAMED FOR A MEDICAL SYMPTOM
Feeling Blue (Jojoland - Rhythm)
BEST YARN NAMED FOR A CHARACTER IN PETER PAN
Tiger Lily (Lamb's Pride - Bulky)
BEST YARN NAMED FOR A TASTY TREAT
S'mores (Crystal Palace - Party)
BEST YARN NAMED FOR A RADIOACTIVE ELEMENT
Uranium (Manos del Uruguay - Wool Classica)
BEST YARN NAMED AFTER A RUSSIAN FLOWER
Siberian Iris (Misti - Pima Silk)
BEST YARN NAMED AFTER A WINNIE THE POOH CHARACTER
Piglet (Sublime - Cash Silk Merino)
BEST YARN NAMED AFTER A GEORGE GERSHWIN SONG
Summertime (Mountain Colors - Mohair)
BEST YARN NAMED AFTER A COUNTRY THAT NO LONGER EXISTS
Zanzibar (Misti - Baby me Boo)
BEST YARN NAMED AFTER A CITIZEN KANE REFERENCE
Rosebud (Universal - Sensational)
BEST YARN NAMED AFTER AN OLD TV WESTERN
BEST YARN WITH A FRENCH NAME
Douceur et Soie (Knit One Crochet Too)
BEST YARN WITH A SPANISH NAME
Zarzamora (Malabrigo - Rios)
BEST YARN COLOR OF THE YEAR
Orange You Glad (Lamb's Pride - Bulky)
The other four finalists for Best Yarn Color of the Year deserve a mention. Zane Grey by Wildefoote, Grassy Knoll by Lamb's Pride, Ripe Lychee by Jojoland and Partly Cloudy by Universal. Those of you who don't get the brilliance of the name Orange You Glad, need to travel back to your childhood and remember every knock-knock joke you ever heard.
Should your curiosity compel you to do so, feel free to ask to see these award-winning yarns. Just make sure that Cathy is in the store and not just me as I have a terrible time remembering where particular yarns are shelved.