Friday, July 27, 2012


No one can state that one cannot exercise while one knits.  At the major international marathon races you will occasionally find a few people who will continuously knit while they lightly jog through the 26 plus miles that a marathon entails.  Granted, these people are not going to be setting any world records, but you still have to tip your hat to them.  But let’s face it.  For those of us who wouldn't dare run a marathon, knitting is a sedentary endeavor.  With traditional knitting you might burn seven calories per hour if you’re lucky.  If you’re one of those folks, like me, who could stand to lose a few pounds, then knitting, as rewarding as it may be, is not going to get you down to your ideal weight.

I’m sure everyone knows that the proper way to lose weight is to eat less than you normally eat and to exercise for a few hours a week.  The pounds will shed ever so slowly, but they will shed.  However, it pains me to think that if I start exercising, then I will no longer have time to knit.  There must be some other way to get that trim waistline.  Well, by golly, there is.  In the tradition of the Scarsdale Diet, the Atkins Diet, the South Beach Diet, the Pritikin Diet, and others, allow me to introduce to you - the Knitting Diet.

The logic behind this diet is so simple that I’m amazed that no one has thought of this before.  The Knitting Diet is based on the concept of the three “Y’s”.  Yarn, Yams and Yogurt.  The proper daily dosages of these three elements will lead to a trim body and lots of finished knitting projects.  Here is the basic daily plan for the Knitting Diet:

Breakfast:  Immediately before eating, a 15 minute walk while knitting.  A word about this.  It will take a little getting used to.  One must not walk too fast in the beginning as this could lead to one’s tripping, which, in turn, could lead to falling and being impaled on one’s own needles.  So for the first few weeks, I recommend using circular needles and easy stitches.  Do not attempt anything with cables on the first day!  Or even the first month.  After the walk, sit yourself down to a nice breakfast of one boiled yam and one cup of plain yogurt.  After eating this delicious eye-opening morning meal, walk another fifteen minutes - while knitting, of course.

Lunch:  No walking before this meal as many are limited to a half-hour lunch.  But if you get an hour for lunch, then by all means do the fifteen minute knit-walk before and after your meal.  This midday meal will consist of one baked yam and one cup of plain yogurt.  Unlike a baked potato, one should not eat the skin of a baked yam.  Though the yam skin is full of nutrients, the taste leaves a lot to be desired.

Dinner:  If you did not walk during lunch, then you must put in half an hour of knit-walking both before and after dinner.  Otherwise, the usual fifteen minutes will suffice.  For dinner you will enjoy two mashed yams and a cup of plain yogurt.  You may drizzle a brown sugar glaze on the mashed yams if you like, or even a couple of tablespoons of maple syrup, but then you must double the walking time after dinner.

There are those who cannot stomach plain yogurt.  I understand your concern.  It took me decades to get used to that taste.  Luckily, there is something that can make plain yogurt more palatable without adding the ton of extra sugar that most flavored yogurts contain.  It is a berry, unknown to most, that is not used commercially, but can be obtained at certain Farmer’s Markets.  It is called the yuckleberry.  Mash up a third of a cup of yuckleberries into your cup of yogurt.  Absolutely delicious.  A warning about the yuckleberry.  It is not very pleasing to the eye, being extremely wrinkly in texture, but it does have a strong, invigorating flavor and very little sugar.  It also cures warts when vigorously rubbed onto those offensive skin blemishes.

There you have it.  Simplicity itself.  Yarn, Yams and Yogurt ( Yuckleberry Yogurt optional).  Now I won’t have to buy 20 balls of yarn for that Double X sweater I was going to knit for myself.  12 balls for a Medium sweater will do the trick, I think.

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